Make me a Servant... scary stuff!

I have sung this song in many different times in my life with many different emotions of heart.  As a teenager, maybe more caught up in the tune than the lyrics.  As a High School graduate going to mission training with great expectation and enthusiasm of serving him on some foreign field.  The romanticism of  mission ministry swelling in my heart.  Then again on the field, struggling with homesickness, culture shock, really wanting to be home but wanting more to serve Him.

Lately it has been different.  I am in my 20+ year of living on the mission field.  I sort of married into it.  My husband is a preacher, my children are now teens, and I am facing new challenges of ministry. New responsibilities that becoming a midwife would entail make me sing the song again.  This time with a bit of fear - life was so comfortable for awhile there, I am fearful of those new responsibilities.  Fear of failure, maybe a bit.  But fear of not knowing where this will lead me.  Also fear of the reality that it is getting closer to the time of letting go of my children and wanting to follow them where they may go... knowing that most likely would be the opposite of where He seems to be leading me to serve.

The other day the song came into my mind and truly I got a huge lump in my throat... gone was the romanticism, the expectation, and hit straight on with the deeper, conviction of the meaning of those four little words.  I so want to be His servant, but oh how that scares me!