Love Hurts (I Cor. 13:4)
Love hurts. It really, really does. Not always. Not in every situation, but there are definitly times when showing love causes pain. I know this from experience.
You probably know by now that we have been trying to adopt for quite some time now. We originally began the whole adoption process through the local government agency. It has been 2 years since we began the process, and have basicly been told that we will always be on the waiting list since we already have children. That hurts. But we hope in the Lord that in His time, all things will work for good.
About two weeks ago a dear friend called wanting to know if we would be interested in adopting from a 15 yr. old girl who had been visiting his mom who is a midwife. The young girl became pregnant through an act of violence and her mother had encouraged her to have an abortion. Although she herself had suffered horribly, she was not willing to cause suffering to this new life in her womb. Her mother threw her out. So she was now on her own, left to her own luck.
Our hearts began to swell with love and hope! We sooo desired to adopt, and we also felt so horrible for this young girl who was abandoned!
We told our friend, yes, and began to investigate the legalities involved. Time passed, and we became busy with my mom leaving for the States, my classes for doula training, organizing homeschool...
Last Firday afternoon we received a phone call. The girl was in labor, and they were taking her to the government hospital since she was very nervous. We rushed to the hospital and got a glipse of her right as she was taken into emergency. We stayed downstairs (government hospitals do not let ANYONE in but the pacient) until 12:30am praying for her and waiting for any news. We finally got word that she had had a baby girl and that they were both fine. We went home drained of all emotion.
Saturday morning we got up early and went back to the Hospital. They wouldn't give us information until 10:30am. So we headed to shop for clothing and toilletries for the mom (her clothes were bloody and ruined, there was no family to see for her needs) and supplies for the baby. When we returned at 10:30 there was still no word so we decided to call a friend who was a nurse there. She told me to wait at the main entrance and she would get me in.
All this time I was repeating "love casts out fear... love casts out fear..." My mind swam with complications. We had events planned... things to get ready... But I knew that God must know what He was doing! He would work it all out. We just had to act out of love! I think I knew in my heart that she might change her mind. Being with her baby all night long... It being a girl.... I was not naive, but knew I had to act out of love. I could not abandon her as others had done.
Both the mommy and baby are beautiful. Mommy is soft spoken, very small as 15 year olds tend to be... Baby has a perfect round face, pale skin, and lots of dark hair. She reminds of me of my little Emily when she was born.
We paid the hospital bill and got mommy and baby back to the midwife's home around 4:30 or 5:00pm. There in a dark little room made out of tin with a cement floor, was a metal base for a bed. It was propped up on cement blocks and was topped off with a layer of card board, a mat made out of woven palm, and 2 thin blankets, five dogs barking right outside the door. I talked a bit with the Mommy, gave her small details about our family, how much we wanted another baby, and asked her about her own situation. She had rented a room with a friend from work, but the past few months she was living with an old friend of the family until she could get back on her feet. She wanted to study, become a nurse or a teacher. She wanted to make something of her life. She knew she would never be able to take care of a baby, return to work, AND go to school. She knew that she couldn't give her baby anything. She knew she had to give her up. I felt horrible for her and even thought, "couldn't we adopt both mommy and baby?"
At 6:30pm, after a very tearful and emotional goodbye, we left with baby in arms. We immediatly went to talk with a judge who put our mind at ease and told us the legal steps to take. The next day, Sunday, it was imparitive for us to find the baby's grandmother since the mom was under aged.
We brought Emi and Aaron home and explained that nothing would be final, we could not call her our own, until we signed with a judge. In the meantime we were just showing love to this little baby girl. We took turns praying for her and her mommy, then went off to bed. All exhausted from the events and emotions. I hardly slept that night with the tiny (4 lb.) baby in my arms. Checking her breathing, checking her heart... she just seemed sooo tiny and vulnerable.
Sunday morning Jorge went to church alone, and the kids and I took turns holding and cuddling baby. Maybe we could have done this differently, but we acted out of love.
After services, Jorge went to see the mommy to get directions to find her mother. As her headed down the highway towards the pueblito, he got a phone call from the midwife. The mommy had finally decided. She didn't want to give her baby away. It was the worst moment I had felt in a long time. The kids were terribly dissappointed. We all held each other and cried.
Jorge decided to pick up the mommy and take her to get the baby so that she would be at peace and not spend that time anxiously wondering if we really were going to bring the baby back. I think it was the best thing. She got to see where we live, she got to meet Emily and Aaron, she got to witness the love we had for her and her baby. Aaron and Emi got to see that she was not a horrible person, but a young girl that needed love, and was facing the toughest decision of her life!
We gave her all the paper work, tore up the signed agreement of adoption, packed up the baby supplies for her to take, and kissed little baby one last time.
Jorge and I both felt uneasy all that night. We felt like we could have done so much more for this young girl who was facing a wall of uncertainty. Monday morning we talked and decided that we could do more. We could offer both mom and baby a home, a family, schooling, an opportunity.
We offered her our home and hearts. We gave her our information, phone number, address. We definitly see how God used us in all this. Any other family would have taken the baby and fled. Never looking back, never trying to formalize the adoption legally. The girl would have never seen her baby again. She would have been devestated, and would have had to live with her pain and guilt for the rest of her life. We told our kids that we didn't lose a baby. It was never our own. We DID find a new friend, and hopefully begin a new relationship. God wants us always to extend our hands in love to those who need our help. They agreed it was the right thing to do.
Love hurts, but it is always the right thing to do!
You probably know by now that we have been trying to adopt for quite some time now. We originally began the whole adoption process through the local government agency. It has been 2 years since we began the process, and have basicly been told that we will always be on the waiting list since we already have children. That hurts. But we hope in the Lord that in His time, all things will work for good.
About two weeks ago a dear friend called wanting to know if we would be interested in adopting from a 15 yr. old girl who had been visiting his mom who is a midwife. The young girl became pregnant through an act of violence and her mother had encouraged her to have an abortion. Although she herself had suffered horribly, she was not willing to cause suffering to this new life in her womb. Her mother threw her out. So she was now on her own, left to her own luck.
Our hearts began to swell with love and hope! We sooo desired to adopt, and we also felt so horrible for this young girl who was abandoned!
We told our friend, yes, and began to investigate the legalities involved. Time passed, and we became busy with my mom leaving for the States, my classes for doula training, organizing homeschool...
Last Firday afternoon we received a phone call. The girl was in labor, and they were taking her to the government hospital since she was very nervous. We rushed to the hospital and got a glipse of her right as she was taken into emergency. We stayed downstairs (government hospitals do not let ANYONE in but the pacient) until 12:30am praying for her and waiting for any news. We finally got word that she had had a baby girl and that they were both fine. We went home drained of all emotion.
Saturday morning we got up early and went back to the Hospital. They wouldn't give us information until 10:30am. So we headed to shop for clothing and toilletries for the mom (her clothes were bloody and ruined, there was no family to see for her needs) and supplies for the baby. When we returned at 10:30 there was still no word so we decided to call a friend who was a nurse there. She told me to wait at the main entrance and she would get me in.
All this time I was repeating "love casts out fear... love casts out fear..." My mind swam with complications. We had events planned... things to get ready... But I knew that God must know what He was doing! He would work it all out. We just had to act out of love! I think I knew in my heart that she might change her mind. Being with her baby all night long... It being a girl.... I was not naive, but knew I had to act out of love. I could not abandon her as others had done.
Both the mommy and baby are beautiful. Mommy is soft spoken, very small as 15 year olds tend to be... Baby has a perfect round face, pale skin, and lots of dark hair. She reminds of me of my little Emily when she was born.
We paid the hospital bill and got mommy and baby back to the midwife's home around 4:30 or 5:00pm. There in a dark little room made out of tin with a cement floor, was a metal base for a bed. It was propped up on cement blocks and was topped off with a layer of card board, a mat made out of woven palm, and 2 thin blankets, five dogs barking right outside the door. I talked a bit with the Mommy, gave her small details about our family, how much we wanted another baby, and asked her about her own situation. She had rented a room with a friend from work, but the past few months she was living with an old friend of the family until she could get back on her feet. She wanted to study, become a nurse or a teacher. She wanted to make something of her life. She knew she would never be able to take care of a baby, return to work, AND go to school. She knew that she couldn't give her baby anything. She knew she had to give her up. I felt horrible for her and even thought, "couldn't we adopt both mommy and baby?"
At 6:30pm, after a very tearful and emotional goodbye, we left with baby in arms. We immediatly went to talk with a judge who put our mind at ease and told us the legal steps to take. The next day, Sunday, it was imparitive for us to find the baby's grandmother since the mom was under aged.
We brought Emi and Aaron home and explained that nothing would be final, we could not call her our own, until we signed with a judge. In the meantime we were just showing love to this little baby girl. We took turns praying for her and her mommy, then went off to bed. All exhausted from the events and emotions. I hardly slept that night with the tiny (4 lb.) baby in my arms. Checking her breathing, checking her heart... she just seemed sooo tiny and vulnerable.
Sunday morning Jorge went to church alone, and the kids and I took turns holding and cuddling baby. Maybe we could have done this differently, but we acted out of love.
After services, Jorge went to see the mommy to get directions to find her mother. As her headed down the highway towards the pueblito, he got a phone call from the midwife. The mommy had finally decided. She didn't want to give her baby away. It was the worst moment I had felt in a long time. The kids were terribly dissappointed. We all held each other and cried.
Jorge decided to pick up the mommy and take her to get the baby so that she would be at peace and not spend that time anxiously wondering if we really were going to bring the baby back. I think it was the best thing. She got to see where we live, she got to meet Emily and Aaron, she got to witness the love we had for her and her baby. Aaron and Emi got to see that she was not a horrible person, but a young girl that needed love, and was facing the toughest decision of her life!
We gave her all the paper work, tore up the signed agreement of adoption, packed up the baby supplies for her to take, and kissed little baby one last time.
Jorge and I both felt uneasy all that night. We felt like we could have done so much more for this young girl who was facing a wall of uncertainty. Monday morning we talked and decided that we could do more. We could offer both mom and baby a home, a family, schooling, an opportunity.
We offered her our home and hearts. We gave her our information, phone number, address. We definitly see how God used us in all this. Any other family would have taken the baby and fled. Never looking back, never trying to formalize the adoption legally. The girl would have never seen her baby again. She would have been devestated, and would have had to live with her pain and guilt for the rest of her life. We told our kids that we didn't lose a baby. It was never our own. We DID find a new friend, and hopefully begin a new relationship. God wants us always to extend our hands in love to those who need our help. They agreed it was the right thing to do.
Love hurts, but it is always the right thing to do!
Comments