Cancun - The stiring of my Soul

Of all the women who attended the WOTH retreat (around 100 in the two sessions) I truly believe that I was one of the ones God had in mind as He worked out the details for the event! I arrived like a glass of fruit water that had been sitting there for awhile and all the fruit settled on the bottom. I truly had no idea beforehand, of all that would happen in my soul in such a short time.The pampering was wonderful, but what happened in this room full of God serving Women was much more impresive! Seeing God´s hands in action is always breathtaking, isn´t it?

It was such a blessing to enter Praise and Worship with such a diversity of women serving Christ. Some who had just arrived on the field, others who almost couldn´t remember how long they had been there! Some in impovershed villages, others in bustling major cities. But all united to praise God for all that He is doing in their ministry! And NO ONE claiming to have the most correct, or worthy ministry or calling.

Lorrie did a beautiful job greeting us at each meeting, leading us in prayer, and opening our minds to truly listen for God`s voice in each session. At the end of our first session together, she invited us to get into a comfortable possition (sitting on the floor, or lying postate) to enter a moment of meditation and communication with God. "Not on this Hotel carpet!" were my first thoughts, "Who knows what has been there!". Then I found myself lying face down on that "Hotel carpet" and truly rendering my soul to my Lord. Something that was a long time comming!

Sandi gave us some wonderful classes. She has been on the mission field herself for many years, and it was sooo nice to hear such wonderful classes from someone who had "been there". Something so necessary!! I especially felt touched by her class on being "fresh brewed" for God, and her last class on Noah´s wife was just as if I had gone to sit at her feet and she was talking directly to me about my need! Talk about being a tool for God!!

I actually went to Patty`s class on "Recovering Loss" for my mom (her mom has Alzhiemers and brother has final stages of ALS). I almost didn´t make it and ended up sitting in the back. Good thing! As we were going over loss and steps to recovery, and signals of depression, I began to realise that I wasn´t there for my mom at all. I was there to learn to recover from my own losses, something I had been bottling up for some 4 years now.

I lost 2 babies to miscarriage. One in 2005 and one in 2007. I realised in this class that I didn´t have a Titus 2 woman to sit with me and help me process my pain. My husband did best he could, but there was no one there to tell me how to mourn my losses. Yes, I had the "good hearted" woman who told me to "Suck it up, you have two little kids out there that need you!" or the one who told me it was ok to be sad, but to get over it soon because if you didn´t and you get depressed then you are falling in sin. I now realise that these comments just pushed me up on a pedestal with "Strong Christian Woman" engraved on its plaque. Up there all alone, feeling that if I showed emotion I would be letting everybody down. To have said that I have had 2 miscarriages is something big for me since I have not mentioned them in all these years. All this time I felt like it was something I shouldn´t bring up. Something taboo.

I spent two of my four afternoons with Patty recognizing my grief, and realising all the hurt and damage that it was causing myself and my ministry and, most of all, on my lovely little family. Very painful, but very liberating! If my eyes look swollen in the pictures, you now know why!

Tracy was our Praise leader, and she did such a marvelous job! It was like a cold sweaty glass of lemonaid on a sweltering hot day! She helped us put into word and song what we were feeling in the deepest depths of our hearts, and all in our English language!!! Apart from leading us in song, Tracy especially touched my heart. She was in my small group, and she was there when I got my haircut, and on our last day when I shared my story, she was there to hold my hand and talk with me of her own losses to misscarriage and shared how she is grieving her loss. You know it was just so amazing to see how God moved everything! How he got me to Patty´s class, how he put me in Tracy`s small group, and in other "coincidential" meetings so that I would feel comfortable in sharing with her, and feel comforted by hearing her share. He amazes me!

I didn´t get a picture of Linda, but she was our small group leader and I have never met a woman with a softer, gentler spirit! She was so understanding and encouraging. She let us all express what was heavy on our hearts even when sometimes it didn´t have much to do with the discussion topic. She never hurried us, and having her pray over each of us was like a warm quilt made of the softest fleece you have ever experimented. Thank God for loving souls!

Cami and Jan (in these pictures) and Cindy, Kate, and Courtney(not pictured) were my official pamperers. Cami and I have so much in common! She loves to sew, scrapbook, do anything artsy-crafty, but never could knitt (me neigther!). She gave me the great haircut and just encourgaed me with her bubbly happy spirit! I actually went back later to her "haircutting salon" (her room) just to get a spiritual high!! Jan gave me my great make-up make-over, but an hour later I was in my counseling session with Patty and cried it all off!!! I really enjoyed it while it lasted though! Kate and Cindy gave me my pedicure & foot-massage overlooking the ocean, and just really made me feel welcome and special! Where else can you get a pedicure and then have them pray over you afterwards?!?!?! Courtney gave me the best back and neck massage, but I swear that those 15 minutes were over all tooo soon!!!

At the end of the last day we all stood in a circle around the room and sang the Doxology. It was sooo beautiful!!! It was the song of angels giving praise to our King!

Me before WOTH

Me after WOTH

And that picture doesn´t even show all the stirings of my inner soul!!!